Lucas is Back... With a Friend
Summary Lucas returns with his more competent friend, Ness, to stop the invasive force of the disturbed (and disturbing) alien fetus, Giygas, from spreading across the land because he's the bad guy...right? Script EVIL GUY and his minions, PICKLE, SHADOW KIRBY, WARIO, and FERNANDO, are sitting around in Evil Guy Tower, eating cheese. Suddenly, they hear the words "PK THUNDER," followed by the massive gate of the tower breaking down. Note: this has not been documented as an actual occurrence before. PICKLE runs out to investigate the matter. PICKLE: Who was that?! He then spots LUCAS, a small, blonde toddler in a stripy shirt, as well as his (also stripy-shirted) slightly older accomplice, NESS, who wears a red hat. LUCAS: Blah blah blah. (Dashes into the tower.) NESS: You'll have to excuse my companion. He can get rather rambunctious after eating too many baseball bats. PICKLE: Wait, aren't you guys approximately the same age? Well, I'll be. So he IS retarded. It's kinda hard to tell with guys like y-- NESS: PK FROST! A globule of dry ice shoots from NESS's hands and engulfs PICKLE. He is completely frozen and unable to stop NESS from entering the tower. NESS (adjusting hat): You got lucky this time. I could have treated you the way I treated your door. NESS ascends the stairs and confronts EVIL GUY, who is swatting LUCAS away from his face as his minions lie about, eating cheese. EVIL GUY: Don't just sit there, you-- (noticing NESS) Oh, hello. Are you friends with this little punk? NESS: I'm afraid so. LUCAS loudly poops in his pants and begins to cry. NESS: PK SHUT YOUR FACE! LUCAS promptly shuts his face as instructed when wisps of menacing, red smoke appear at random. They form into a ghastly face...the face of Giygas himself. GIYGAS: Grrrr! Ness! Ness!!!! NEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! NESS: Behold, my friends, the dreadful menace that we must apprehend for the sake of the pl-- EVIL GUY: You're on your own! (Dashes away). NESS: Hey! Get back here immediately, lest I punish you the way I did your pickle friend! EVIL GUY: Gwuh? What did you do with Pickle? NESS: Oh, he was...frigid with terror. Meanwhile, Giygas' face has been multiplying until a pattern appears in between them...a shape akin to that of a human fetus. GIYGAS: Waaaaaaahhh!!!! NESS: Lucas! Get over here! SHADOW KIRBY waddles over to NESS, having inhaled LUCAS and copied his powers as well as, to a lesser degree, his appearance. NESS: Wait a minute...you're not the real Lucas, are you? SHADOW KIRBY: Duuuuhhhhh. NESS: OK, you're legitimate. Let's get him! NESS and SHADOW KIRBY: PK STARSTORM!!! NESS and SHADOW KIRBY rise into the air, raining blazing meteorites onto Giygas. Meanwhile, PICKLE has unfrozen himself using his fire powers and arrives that instant, torching NESS's back with green fire. NESS drops to the floor, unmoving, as does SHADOW KIRBY. GIYGAS seizes the opportunity and tries to tell his side of the story. GIYGAS: Wait! Let me explain. Many years ago, I was minding my own business on the playground, when I saw Ness playing on the swings, which was illegal back then. Lucas, meanwhile, was playing tag and cheating, which was also illegal back then. I tried to intervene, but they reacted harshly--too harshly. We've been at war ever since. EVIL GUY: Guys, are you sure we can trust him? After all, he busted into my tower without permission. Then again, Lucas IS pretty annoying. Believe me, I would know. PICKLE: Yeah, and that Ness brat froze me for practically nothing right after he smashed our door to pieces! EVIL GUY: All right, we're with you on this. What do you need to beat those two brats? GIYGAS: Well, you've already dealt with Lucas, and Ness is just lying there. If he's as tough as I think he is, though, he's just unconscious and not dead. EVIL GUY: Well, why not just finish him off right here, right now? GIYGAS: No. I want to make him suffer for what he did to me. (Addressing SHADOW KIRBY) You there! If you would be so kind as to spit Lucas out and lock both of them up somewhere, I will help you collect...the Moon Sprites. Muahahahaha! SHADOW KIRBY spits out LUCAS, then kicks him in the head for good measure. Everybody gathers around GIYGAS, waiting for him to explain his plan. To be continued... Moral There are two sides to every story, especially when it has an alien fetus. Also, don't call kids retarded. Trivia This episode does not have more than one scene.